Blogicide

Dear readers, fans and blalkers (blog+stalkers)---if it just so happens I'm fortunate enough to have any of these---

 

In order to justify the following words which will probably sound extremely pessimistic, I shall call this my blog suicide letter.  It's been awhile, I know.  Have my posts been missed? Meh....I have no idea.  Perhaps in the future sometime I will return to the blogging world, but for now, goodbye.

 

Why, you ask?

 

1) OK SERIOUSLY, DOES ANYONE ACTUALLY READ THIS?

I would be surprised to hear a 'Yes' to that.  (Well, except for the lovely people who stopped me once as I walked out of Costco and told me they enjoyed my blog! Hi friends!).  

 

Sometimes I'll check my Google Reader and get this silly wave of excitement when I see that my favorite blogs have new posts.  Ah yes, the simple things in life.  Even a few people I don't know very well in person, I feel a connection to in a wierd crazy way.  Isn't that funny?  I feel inspired by not only the things they are doing in their lives but also the viewpoint in which they express their journey through mortality.  It opens up my mind to how I view the world around me and it's fun!  Does my blog have that same effect on people?  I guess I'll never know. 

 

2)  I HAVE A TERRIBLE HABIT OF COMPARING MYSELF TO OTHERS SOMETIMES

and blogging only seems to emphasize some of the weaknesses I perceive to have.  Namely, I don't think of myself as being a good writer.  I suppose I'm not necessarily a bad one either, but perhaps, I just don't feel like my writing ever makes much of an impact.  Most times I will write whatever is on my mind, and I just wonder, "Who would even care?!".  I think this line of thinking, while very pathetic, and often dangerous has been my underlying attitude toward my writing since I can remember.  Every now and then I'd get a compliment or two which was uplifting, but then I'd always end up wishing I could express my thoughts and feelings better like so-and-so; That I could paint a beautiful masterpiece merely through words. Not that I have to sound super brainy or something, it just has to be interesting and enjoyable.  Of course, as with anything, this takes lots of practice...but still, I just feel like....I don't know.

 

3)  I HAVE NO IDEA WHO MY AUDIENCE IS (if I even have one that is)

I guess sometimes that's the fun of blogging though, but I don't feel like I really have any connection with anyone, and if anyone has felt a connection to me through the blogging portal then I'd sure love to know.  Not having an audience also makes it difficult for me to decide on what to write about.....so, I usually just end up posting a bunch of nonsense, or some overly emotional crap.

 

4)  PUBLIC vs PRIVATE

I am constantly yo-yo'ing between if I want to have my blog be public or private.  Many things I have wanted to write about, seem like they would be more appropriate to keep in my own personal journal.  You might just be grateful for that! 

 

While I thoroughly enjoy sharing my life experiences with others, I like the whole reciprocation thing.  Like actually talking to a person face to face.  I need those things....the nodding, the eye contact, the "uh-huh's"; all those human, emotional connecting points.  It kinda bums me out that our society is getting so technologically dependant that the art of conversation is rapidly floundering.  Blogging has this way of making me feel like I'm talking to a brick wall AND simultaneously opening my heart to just about anyone.  I figure, anyone who actually cares about what's going on in my life I already talk to and don't need to waste time posting stuff online.  And anyone else is capable of picking up the phone and asking me themselves.  Yes I've done it too.....I've wondered what an old friend was up to but either felt like we no longer had enough of a connection to justify a phone call completely out of the blue, or I really wouldn't have much to say, or feared they would think I was odd for calling or something.  I've done that before and it just felt so awkward, I kinda stopped and resorted to a quick look at the blog or facebook page.  No need to call.  And yes, sometimes I feel a little guilty doing that because it's downright lazy!  However, to my credit, most of the time I actually comment or initiate some sort of interaction in the process.  For example, look at photos and leave a comment.  When I don't know who's looked at/read my stuff because they don't leave comments or anything, it kinda creeps me out a little, seriously. 

 

Anyway, the point of this all is basically:

If you have enjoyed this blog, HOORAY!

If you didn't even know this blog existed, I GUESS YOU WON'T MISS MUCH HUH!

If you know me and actually care, pick up the phone and call me, email me, say hi, send me flowers....haha...BE AN ACTIVE FRIEND!!! 

If you know me and like knowing what's going on but don't really want to talk to me, then TRY HARDER or GOOD LUCK TO YA!

 

Well I think that's it.

 

Peace out yo. :)