Since I'm considering the idea of a career in Dietetics, I thought it would be fun to post some silly diets as I come across them. To start the series, here is one that was emailed to me today.
PURINA DIET
Yesterday I was at my local Target buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Sheriff, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Target won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
(Author Unkown)
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Great, my hair is a dust magnet!
Curly hair. We have our good days when the humidity level cooperates and the curls work their magic effortlessly with little to no maintenance. Then there are the not-so-good days when the curls don't feel like bouncing, are bogged down and exhausted from hair product and force me to strangle them into a bun to avoid the wrestle. As if the bad days couldn't get worse, add a crappy hair product and you've got a dust-attracting mess of frizz! I was lured into purchasing this wretched lotion that promised me perfectly shaped curls and everything else I secretly desire for my hair. I feel defrauded. (is that even a word? maybe i'm thinkin in spanglish.) It had yellow packaging and according to color psychology, that inspires a sense of happiness. Well this crazy hair lotion is anything BUT happiness. I want my $7.50 (or however much it was, I threw away the receipt) back! Grr. If you know of something better, my lifeless curls will thank you! :)
If I was a celebrity
If I were a celebrity, I would probably have more people following my blog, right? Yes, I believe so. With all my heart. To my utmost disappointment, I was informed the other day that one of my blog followers dropped out. Bringing my follower total from 3 down to 2. How depressing! I suppose I ought to make more posts then? Give the people what they want, eh? Sigh.
Anyway, I met the New Kids on The Block (or should I say, the "Old Men on the Block") when they were in concert here last weekend. My cute niece invited me to go with her, and although I really didn't know any of their songs (neither did she), it was a good time. Lady Gaga and Natasha Bedingfield opened and Natasha was definitely my fave. It was rather noisy and I left with my ears ringing and feeling like they were stuffed with cotton, but I had a blast! We enjoyed $5 fruit smoothies while we waited for the show to start.
As I was saying, we met them. That's right, actually stood in their presence. We hugged them each, got one photo taken, and that comprised the "Meet and Greet". Seriously, couldn't they have done something cooler? Were they on a budget or something? Whatever. The one who sings like a girl (ok, that is actually kind of offensive to girls, sorry) with the movie-star brother....yeah, kinda cocky. The 'tough guy' (that all the 30-year old women went crazy for when the camera did a close-up of his butt when dancing) was slightly scary, but nice. The others didn't really talk. Do their agents charge them by the word? Which brings me to the title of this entry, "If I was a celebrity".
If I was (or is it 'were'? Someone please tell me the proper word!) a celebrity, I would at least make an effort to be interesting and exciting and be worth meeting. For instance saying: "Hey! Thanks so much for comin'! So are you from here? What do you like to do? Do you want my autograph? Let's take a picture! Silly faces, ready?! Are you gonna put that up on that blog, how cool are you! So you should teach me some sweet dance moves. Yeah, awesome. Aren't I so good looking? We should take another picture". Maybe they were saving every drop of energy for the show, ah well. They can call me for some PR skills training. Just kidding.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Stranger=Danger
It was snowing. I was cold. I should've worn socks probably but didn't have any clean socks left. I was minding my own business strolling to work from the Trax station in Midvale when a car across the road honked at me and stopped. The driver motioned for me to cross. Naive me, though, "Oh it's a nice co-worker stopping to get me out of the blizzard, hooray". I cross and swing around to the passenger side. The door opens and the driver, a man I have never before seen in my life motions for me to get in. I don't recall if he actually said any words. I looked at his face trying to figure out why in the world a complete stranger is offering me a ride. Milliseconds later it registers in my brain, "Nope, definitely don't know this person" so I'm like "Uh, thanks but I'm actually really close..." I shut the door and continue on my way and the car speeds off. Do I look like I was born yesterday?! Ok, so I maybe act like it. But wow, I'm lucky nothing else happened and glad I didn't need to whip out my mace cuz it was a little windy too...
The moral of the story: Don't be a dummy, listen to your mummy! Don't talk to strangers!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
