And now for our diet segment....

Since I'm considering the idea of a career in Dietetics, I thought it would be fun to post some silly diets as I come across them. To start the series, here is one that was emailed to me today.

PURINA DIET
Yesterday I was at my local Target buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Sheriff, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Target won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
(Author Unkown)

Great, my hair is a dust magnet!

Curly hair. We have our good days when the humidity level cooperates and the curls work their magic effortlessly with little to no maintenance. Then there are the not-so-good days when the curls don't feel like bouncing, are bogged down and exhausted from hair product and force me to strangle them into a bun to avoid the wrestle. As if the bad days couldn't get worse, add a crappy hair product and you've got a dust-attracting mess of frizz! I was lured into purchasing this wretched lotion that promised me perfectly shaped curls and everything else I secretly desire for my hair. I feel defrauded. (is that even a word? maybe i'm thinkin in spanglish.) It had yellow packaging and according to color psychology, that inspires a sense of happiness. Well this crazy hair lotion is anything BUT happiness. I want my $7.50 (or however much it was, I threw away the receipt) back! Grr. If you know of something better, my lifeless curls will thank you! :)

If I was a celebrity

If I were a celebrity, I would probably have more people following my blog, right? Yes, I believe so. With all my heart. To my utmost disappointment, I was informed the other day that one of my blog followers dropped out. Bringing my follower total from 3 down to 2. How depressing! I suppose I ought to make more posts then? Give the people what they want, eh? Sigh.

Anyway, I met the New Kids on The Block (or should I say, the "Old Men on the Block") when they were in concert here last weekend. My cute niece invited me to go with her, and although I really didn't know any of their songs (neither did she), it was a good time. Lady Gaga and Natasha Bedingfield opened and Natasha was definitely my fave. It was rather noisy and I left with my ears ringing and feeling like they were stuffed with cotton, but I had a blast! We enjoyed $5 fruit smoothies while we waited for the show to start.

As I was saying, we met them. That's right, actually stood in their presence. We hugged them each, got one photo taken, and that comprised the "Meet and Greet". Seriously, couldn't they have done something cooler? Were they on a budget or something? Whatever. The one who sings like a girl (ok, that is actually kind of offensive to girls, sorry) with the movie-star brother....yeah, kinda cocky. The 'tough guy' (that all the 30-year old women went crazy for when the camera did a close-up of his butt when dancing) was slightly scary, but nice. The others didn't really talk. Do their agents charge them by the word? Which brings me to the title of this entry, "If I was a celebrity".

If I was (or is it 'were'? Someone please tell me the proper word!) a celebrity, I would at least make an effort to be interesting and exciting and be worth meeting. For instance saying: "Hey! Thanks so much for comin'! So are you from here? What do you like to do? Do you want my autograph? Let's take a picture! Silly faces, ready?! Are you gonna put that up on that blog, how cool are you! So you should teach me some sweet dance moves. Yeah, awesome. Aren't I so good looking? We should take another picture". Maybe they were saving every drop of energy for the show, ah well. They can call me for some PR skills training. Just kidding.

Stranger=Danger

It was snowing. I was cold. I should've worn socks probably but didn't have any clean socks left. I was minding my own business strolling to work from the Trax station in Midvale when a car across the road honked at me and stopped. The driver motioned for me to cross. Naive me, though, "Oh it's a nice co-worker stopping to get me out of the blizzard, hooray". I cross and swing around to the passenger side. The door opens and the driver, a man I have never before seen in my life motions for me to get in. I don't recall if he actually said any words. I looked at his face trying to figure out why in the world a complete stranger is offering me a ride. Milliseconds later it registers in my brain, "Nope, definitely don't know this person" so I'm like "Uh, thanks but I'm actually really close..." I shut the door and continue on my way and the car speeds off. Do I look like I was born yesterday?! Ok, so I maybe act like it. But wow, I'm lucky nothing else happened and glad I didn't need to whip out my mace cuz it was a little windy too...

The moral of the story: Don't be a dummy, listen to your mummy! Don't talk to strangers!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BfsNeP_CGw

Car Shopping and Dating

Having been involved in both of these activities lately, I've come to the conclusion that there really isn't much of a difference between car shopping and dating. Here are some questions one may ask when looking to buy a car, which can be related to dating and relationships quite easily. Leave your comments and any questions you might add! P.S. This is just for fun.

• Is it New or Used?
• Is it a "Lemon"?
• How much mileage does it have?
• Can I afford it?
• What special features does it come with?
• What condition is the body in?
• What is the trade-in value?
• What kind of Title history does it have?
• Is it high maintenance?
• How long will it last me?

Let's hear it for the boys!

Well, in 8 years I've had opportunity to date quite a few different guys. So here's a list of a few things I have found to really appreciate. And not necessarily in a dating situation, but in general. Good job boys. You are winners! Feel free to leave your thoughts!

It's pretty awesome when he......

1) For starters....Makes a good use of his time by getting to know me and sincerely trying to be a friend. That obviously proves he is a smart guy. (haha. Please note, I am not on a high horse here, it's just sarcasm). He asks questions, and listens and sometimes even responds to the answers. It's really impressive when he remembers stuff too, especially little, unimportant details.

Example: I once told a guy that green was my favorite color. Who cares right? Next time we saw each other he said: "do you like my tie?" (It had green on it) "I wore it for you because you said you like green!" Awe!

2) Plans ahead.

I'm not opposed to spontaneity but plans are nice. It's less stressful. Or maybe just for me because I can never think of anything to do, so we usually end up hanging around at furniture stores!

3) Calls. (And also returns phone calls in an expeditious manner.)

Ok, we all know text messaging is less nerve wracking than actually talking to the person. But think of it this way, chances for rejection are that much higher because it's also easier to say no by text or email! Us girls are pretty terrifying creatures, I know. But just call and no one gets hurt! hehehe.

The Phone Call movie we watched in Seminary. Need I say more?

4) Gives sincere compliments.

Seriously, who doesn't like a compliment? It's a win-win situation!

So one time I was on a date with someone and we were talking about high school were talking about popularity and things like that. I was far from popular, but he said: "That's wierd, I figured you were probably Prom Queen because you are so beautiful!" And that pretty much made me feel really good!

5) Is respectful.

Opening doors, and all those chivalrous things....eating with his mouth closed, paying for things, saying "Thank you", gets me home before I turn into a pumpkin, punctuality, clean language, clean thoughts, etc.

6) Has a good sense of humor!

Sometimes I can be too serious so thanks for lightening me up!

7) Has high standards and isn't shy about it.

I went to a movie once and about 15 minutes into it, I was just about to suggest leaving. There was a lot of foul language unfortunately. Thankfully he wasn't afraid of standing up for his beliefs and he leaned over and said "Do you want to leave" What a relief! I was very grateful.

8) Goes the extra mile. (And literally!)

I went on a date with a guy from Ogden and our activity for the date was in Ogden. Well, he drove down to Salt Lake and picked me up and drove back up there. Then he drove me back home and he obviously had to drive all the way back home to Ogden again! Obviously gas prices these days don't make that a very convenient option, but I was really impressed that he did that and didn't complain at all. Made me feel like I was actually worth it, ya know? It was nice.

9) Is selfless.

It's easy to be selfish but takes true character to think of and serve others!

10) Is Honest.

Honesty is the best policy!

Pearly white drama

So I like brushing my teeth. A few of my friends are aware of this. I used to be a lot worse but these days I've gotten lazy. As it turns out I have receding gums. The dentist told me I may need a gum graft eventually. Well that sounds gross. That's what happens when you brush too much and too hard. My advice is this: Next time you're at the dentist and the hygienist is showing you how to brush properly, PAY ATTENTION! or you might end up like me, which receding gums, sensitivity to cold things and exposed nerves. Wah.

I smell like Tuna....a little.

Wow. So tuna fish has a very potent smell! I mean, it's just one of those things that you've gotta take the empty can out to the recycle bin OUTSIDE asap. For lunch today I made a white sauce with cheese and tuna on toast. It tasted good to me, I don't know whether it turned out all that great because it was my first time making it. So now the whole kitchen stinks like tuna and so do I. Guess I'd better clean up the dishes and put on some perfume. And brush my teeth!

Hey look. A blog thingy!

So I've given in and just like everyone else and their dog have started a blog. (Hey! That rhymes! hehe.) Quite possibly this will turn out to be an evanescent thing. Be sure to return as often as your little heart desires because you never know when this page will up and disappear, leaving you with a sensation similar to having a phantom limb. Wouldn't that be tragic!

I have a tendency to go with the crowd eventually, so I might just stick it out. Kinda like when Harry Potter first came out I refused to read it. I worked at a bookstore and answering the question: "Do you know when the next Harry Potter book comes out?" about 50* times a day only made me resist further. About the time the 5th book was due to come out, I finally gave in and started reading the series. Then I discovered the books on CD and that was it. I started downloading HP podcasts. I was hooked. So, we'll see how this goes.....

*could be a minor exaggeration

Disclaimer: This blog has not been designed to be thought-provoking, educational, amusing, or otherwise entertaining. I do not claim to be delightfully clever or strikingly charming although to be such is my lifelong goal. Do not drop in water. Keep away from open flame.