A Pile of Dishes

Well, besides the pile of dishes that are actually sitting in my kitchen sink, I meant the title of this post to be moreso of a play on words; You know, to "dish out", to divulge things to you, my friends....Haha. Except I just looked up the term "to dish" and I'm probably not using the term right...but whatever! Back to the point.

Around the end of September of this year, my department at work was called into a meeting. In said meeting we were "unofficially" forewarned about the future loss of our jobs. Our department would be dissolved due to the rollout of a new technology that would in turn make our jobs obsolete. Rumors of this big change had been circulating for at least 5 years and finally, it was now becoming a reality. It took awhile to sink in, but at the beginning of November we got the official "separation letter", aka we were being sacked.

Yes, in this economy.
Yes, just before Christmas.
Yes, all while being a newlywed and college student.
Yes, it sucks.

My job provided most of our income, health insurance, and probably the most valuable benefit was that we both got half off of our tuition. That is a big chunk of dough we saved. It was mentioned we would have assistance in being placed somewhere else. Did that happen? Not really. Our "severance package" (if you could even call it that) was that we would get paid through December 5 regardless of whether or not we had to work (we finished the work early November), and It's not like I've been sitting on my butt waiting around. I've been doing my part, applying to jobs, editing my resume, making calls to HR about this and that, following up on the emails notifying me of my application being forwarded on to the hiring department. Still, not one phone call for an interview. Sigh.

Despite the worry, the tears, the frustration, the shock, the anxiety, I have faith that everything will be fine and things will work out. I am very fortunate to have such an optimistic and supportive husband who stops whatever he's doing to wipe my tears and wrap me in a warm hug. I have wonderful family and friends who have their eyes and ears peeled for job openings I might qualify for. I have faith in a loving Heavenly Father who will always take care of me, even if logically it might seem impossible. I have a shelter from the cold and food in my belly. I do have plenty to be grateful for.

Throughout this ordeal I have been thinking about a few other things too that have sort of been weighing on me, most of it related to school because I have been feeling bored with my classes and not really excited about it. I have wondered if:

...I should change tracks??? Switching tracks would delay my graduation but it would give me a credential that would make my degree more marketable. It might be worth it....but really I just want to be DONE and get my degree at this point.

...I ought to take a break for awhile and find out what I like to do/am good at??? I'm not really sure what I'm good at or what I have a passion for so I want to figure that out. Due to the job situation, I'll likely be taking a break from school anyway so that we can keep our heads above water financially...well then, I guess that's decided.

...I should change majors??? That kind of scares me. I feel overwhelmed at the thought of basically starting over, thinking that these last few years were a waste of time and money and noting how most of my friends are graduated, in their careers, moms, or finishing up grad school. I feel like a pathetic loser when it comes to school sometimes. B and I have had several conversations about this. Yesterday we went to the photography studio where my sister works. After we left we talked about how maybe I'd be happier and do better if I were to go back to an artsy type of major. Right now I'm in a health related major, which I find interesting, but I guess I don't really LOVE it, so that doesn't help with the motivation factor.

So some background. When I originally started college, I planned on majoring in visual art and design. All through high school I took commercial art classes and some concurrent courses and that was the plan. I later switched a bit and decided multimedia might be good since I could combine my creativity, natural artistic talents and my mad computer skillz doing websites and stuff like that. At one point I thought about being an occupational therapist, a speech pathologist/therapist, and then I thought I wanted to be a dietician. I was planning on going to a school up north, get my bachelor's, become a dietician and enter the professional work force. I kept going back and forth on the idea and then I decided I'd put school on hold, go on a mission and figure it out later. I came home from my mission, finished up my general ed and got ready to transfer to the school up north. If I remember right I applied twice, and was denied both times. The second time I applied I applied to the U as well and applied for a full time position at my work. The same day I was offered a full time position at my job was the same day I found out I was accepted at the U! So I stayed in town, living with my parents and about a year later, I met B. A big lesson I learned was that sometimes what we want isn't what is best for us. I feel like now I am learning a similar lesson, but with more attached to it. What I am learning now (very slowly) is that I ought to do what *I* like and what makes *ME* happiest, without worrying about what anyone else wants for me or thinks I should be doing. For some reason it's a hard lesson for me. I suppose it's because I've always been a people pleaser type. Well, I need to get over it huh. So, now I am seriously thinking of going back to the community college and getting a degree in something art related. Yes I know, a VERY roundabout way of returning to my roots, but I suppose that's how things were meant to go for me.