Joe Fox: It wasn't... personal.
Kathleen Kelly: What is that supposed to mean? I am so sick of that. All that means is that it wasn't personal to you. But it was personal to me. It's *personal* to a lot of people. And what's so wrong with being personal, anyway?
Joe Fox: Uh, nothing.
Kathleen Kelly: Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.
Last night I watched the movie "You've Got Mail" starring Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. They are online friends and one day agree to meet. When Joe Fox peeks through the cafe window and sees it''s Kathleen Kelly, owner of the the little bookstore his MEGA bookstore just put out of business, he chickens out. Actually, he goes in to talk to her anyway, not as her online friend, but as the Big Bad Fox, leading Kathleen to think she has been stood up. Joe gets home and begins typing up an excuse for not meeting her
"I'm in Vancouver..." (he deletes this and starts over)
"I was stuck in a meeting---which i couldn't get out of and the electricity went out in the building and---we were trapped---on the 38th floor. And--the telephone system blew out too---amazingly enough." (he changes his mind and eventually writes a sweet apology)
The point of all this? Even though he was a jerk standing her up, at least he took the time to give her an excuse. Certainly that deserves some credit, being much less cowardly than completely copping out and giving the cold shoulder. You see, just when I think I'm starting to understand this insanity known as "the dating game", I get a curve ball! I'll explain more in a bit.
Everyone has different rules to "the game , and in most cases we get thrown into a game not knowing which rules to play by. What a mess. Talk about complicated! There ought to be at least some common ground rules at the very least! But that would be way too easy right? What's the fun in that? I've talked to lots of people about this and have heard things here and there. You've heard of that book made into a movie I'd imagine....the one that is supposed to help women figure out if men are interested. One of those concepts goes along the lines of, "if he's interested, he'll make a move. If he is not interested, he won't reciprocate any sort of contact. " That makes plenty of sense. Supposedly guys are really not all that mysterious. Unlike their--generally-speaking--female counterparts, they are rather literal and simple. Well, there are exceptions to everything.
Here are some ideas some magazine outlined, which were recently featured on a local tv talk show.
8 Ways to Get Him to Notice You in 10 Days
Stop playing hard to get
Be attentive
Try something new
Let your guard down
Stop texting and no one gets hurt
Know the power of your outfit
TMI (too much information) is never a good thing
Keep him wanting more
And remember that movie, "How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days"? Well apparently it can be done much sooner than that!
Let's take a real life example, just for fun.
Guy shows interest, and asks out Girl. She goes with the flow and nonchalantly hints that attention from Guy is nice, but makes sure not to over-flirt or over-contact as her experience has taught her this sends them running. Guy and Girl go on 2-3 dates, both seem to enjoy themselves and hint at this through text messages. Girl has a difficult time reading Guy because he seems to think text messaging is the only function on his cell phone., stripping away all other possible channels to decode Guy (tone of voice, etc. There's only so much you can pick up from words on a screen and opens up a million possibilities for misinterpretation). The few moments of actual human interaction contain just enough hints to indicate Guy is interested. The night ends with smiles.
The next day, Girl sends a friendly message, nothing of great importance. No reply. Ok. Maybe he was at work and couldn't reply right away and then forgot about it. Maybe {{insert excuse here}}. No biggie. It happens. A couple days later, another friendly message. The day goes on and later in the evening she decides to call. No answer. Girl leaves Guy a message. So it was late, Maybe he was sleeping! Maybe Guy will call back the next day, huh? Nope. Maybe he dropped his phone in the toilet? Possible, yes, but more than likely the dude just lost interest. That quick though? Everything seemed fine one day and Poof! Gone the next?
Girl is obviously disappointed but actually doesn't care too much. Mostly she is bugged that Guy just started ignoring her. Really, she would MUCH have preferred he give her excuses not to go out. Not calling right away and giving excuses is WAY better than pretending Girl doesn't exist. Girl is smart, she'll get the hint....but give her the chance instead of leaving her stranded in What-just-happened Alley. Honestly, what is wrong with people?! Hiding behind an electronic wall? Dishing out the silent treatment? What are you, 5? Seriously lame!
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